Dear Person I’ve been stalking online for months,
I really really want you to be my agent. Your tweets are funny and those puppy/kitten/gardening/knitting/thrift store photos you post tell me that we could totally be BFFs if you would take a chance on me. I see us accepting awards, signing big contracts, and skipping through the London Book Fair hand in hand.
Oh, you want to know about my book? It’s great! It’s exactly what you said you wanted on MSWL in 2014. It is Twilight meets Nancy Drew but better and funnier. It’s about 80k words, but I could have it down to 70 in a weekend if you think that’s the best way to go.
I have been working on this novel for three years and honestly I’m sick of it but I don’t have the energy left to start another one. I’ve written three other books, but they were all too weird or not commercial enough, so I set out to write this one, this better one, with the commercial market in mind because I have learned that unless I can convince someone it will sell, no one is interested in my books even if they’re really good. So let me assure you that this book is commercial as hell. It fits trends. Really.
See my writing sample below that has typos which I pray you’ll ignore.
Thank you for your time.